How are you?
I feel as if I ask that every day, several times a day to anyone I speak with, whether it's via voice, text, or inbox, while knowing that it's a loaded question. I'm really asking, "Are you breathing? Do you have enough to 'make it'? Do you need more? What can I do? Did you smile today, laugh today, hug today?" And on and on.
The responses are generally the same: "I'm good." And honestly most of the time I can only take that, but I'm open when the response is more and they want/need/expect more from me. A listening ear. A connection. An acknowledgment that this is hard--not normal--but more importantly, that we will get back to "normal" one day.
Not gonna lie, I've had a few bad days, not really based on the virus or thinking I might contract it but more with the planning aspect of life. I'm a die hard planner and generally have an idea where I will be 5 years from now. Not to say that I won't change those plans on the drop of a dime, but I still like to have a road map for my life. Covid19 took that away from me, and I had to mentally adapt. I had to sit in my fears of not being sure of the next step and watching my travel agency business coming to a temporary halt while life and bills still continue. All while acknowledging I am not super (Black) woman and instead am a Black woman who is here...just here.
I had to find a new me in the midst of a new normal. I'm here. I'm grateful, mindful, and, more importantly, I've changed. The planner is still there, but I'm okay with knowing that some things are out of my control AND that I have a partner that balances me out-- where I'm weak she is strong and vice versa. She's the day-to-day, and I'm the next month. It's working. For us.
On the other side of things, the introvert in me has enjoyed being able to stay inside with no complaints. I've tried new recipes, and the family is in love with anything fry bread related. The boy is growing and is almost taller than his mom and I, and school is going as good as to be expected. Amber is reading, walking, and relaxing while continuing to grow her editing business. Next week is her Bornday, and we shall celebrate her!
So I guess the answer to the question asked above is..."We good."